Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
