life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
