You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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