you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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