Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
