is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
