Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
