i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
