Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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