Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
