kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
