I met the friendliest cop last night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
