How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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