Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
