mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This is the high leading the old right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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