The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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