he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
