After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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