Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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