we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
