our cab driver is having phone sex.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
