My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
