Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
