hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
