You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
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i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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