I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
