There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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