You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
