it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
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I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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