See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
third nipple confirmed
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
