in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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