I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
