I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
