She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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