the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
