wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
