cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
