I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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