Pants 0. Shit 1.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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