We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Enjoy the penises
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
