Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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