Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
