my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
