I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
