Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
