If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.