Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day