I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.