i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.