so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
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What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.