Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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