i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
