We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize