you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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