this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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