6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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