just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
