The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize