i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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