You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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