so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
