Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
