trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
