UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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