I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
