he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
