And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
