Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
