oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
