I'm eating all of the evidence.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
