Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
