guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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