Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
